How are we adding miseries to our lives?
I know the title of my blog seems a bit weird to you all or it must be “How we can add more living to our lives ?” or any other title like “ How can we add joy to our lives?”
And I must say you are totally correct in your assumptions. But somewhere it is also important to discern that, what is keeping us away from happiness or a joyful living .” When a doctor diagnoses a patient he first finds out the symptoms then gives the treatment. But if he doesn’t know the reason for your disease, then how will he cure you? So let us discuss how we are making ourselves sick by each passing day or how we are adding misery to our lives.
Before discussing, I would suggest you all tie a knot to this saying “I am the creator of my reality.” I totally believe this, also I named it “Self Responsibility”.If you are saying, I am feeling miserable or my life is not worth living or sharing, then somewhere something is wrong within us.
Now I will share how I added misery to my life?
This habit had really taken a toll on my life and I had this habit since my childhood. If I look back, I can easily recall many of the comments by my family members “You think a lot. It is not good for such a small age. “Trust me if you are an over-thinker, you will literally find yourself unable to silent the continuous stream of thoughts. With that continuous stream of thoughts, we start weaving stories and this story is never a happy one. These assumed stories appear so real to us that we start worrying. Another addition of a series of thoughts miraculously converts worry into frustration, anger, anxiety, or fear. And sometimes the combination of them. Thus we get trapped in a vicious circle leaving ourselves paralyzed.
Studies have proved that over-thinkers are more likely to experience headaches, muscle tension, difficulty in sleeping, sweating, anxiety, or a distorted view of problems. It also hampers our problem-solving skills.
So if you are an over-thinker then learn how and where to put a full stop to it.
Communication is the heartbeat, to not only maintain good relationships but to experience a good life as well. A communication gap can also be called “misinterpretation”.It is not a one-way street but a two-way road. It may occur between you and your parents, your spouse, your children, siblings, friends, authorities, and list is huge.
This is the basic reason why most of the relationship fails or become sour. Because of the lack of communication, we start assuming things, build our own story, and start believing the things. There are many reasons for communication, even I can write a huge blog for it. But here I will deal with the main reasons.
a) Won’t understand thinking:
Most of the time we fail to communicate because we start assuming that the opposite one will not understand. Thus we create stories through our assumptions and feel miserable. This is also a kind of overthinking
b) Generation gap :
As we know change is constant and as years passes things change, but sometimes parents or grandparents fail to understand it. This is also a two-way street. On the other hand, the present generation also needs to understand that it is not easy for them to adapt to these changes. Thus it leads to the communication gap. In some families, this gap grows so wide that it badly impacts the relationship through disrespect, and I am sorry to say but in some cases, we breach the limits. Thus how we add misery.
Who doesn’t know how it impacts our way of communication and there is not much to write about it. This is something that we need to understand that it is nothing but a huge blot to our life.
d) Ego: Ego can be named as “Killer”.
Once the ego takes charge, you lose charge on yourself. Somewhere I have read “Ego is nothing but an attachment to the wrong image of yourself”. It is just a dream, an imagination, or a wrong notion about ourselves. It kills all the areas of our lives. Also, I can very well understand it’s really tough to get out of its clutches but we can try something every day so that with each passing day we are reducing misery.
e) Perception: Everyone has his or her own way of taking things. No matter you are right but the opposite person will take it wrong.
But it is not them, it is their perception through which they are going to understand the things. It is like we want to remain in our shoes and don’t want to wear the shoes of the opposite one, thus again a vicious circle of assumptions adds misery.
3)An Attitude of Perfection:
My goodness !!! This word of perfection has driven us all crazy. How desperately we crave a perfect body, perfect skin, perfect clothes, perfect home, perfect relationships, and a lot.
I really want to state that “Perfectionism is nothing but a mental disease”. Aspiration of perfection is slowly killing us. We haven’t even spared our children in this case. It brings tears into my eyes, seeing young children being snubbed in order to make them a perfect model. It may be grades, their daily routine, or other activities.
The desire for perfection gives birth to comparison and then you know the further story, I mean a vicious circle of miseries.
4)Unable to let go:
If someone asks me to give meaning to the phrase” Unable to let go “, I would answer “ Lifetime prison “. A kind of prison where you are playing the role of a culprit, a warden, a prison officer, but the good news is verdict is also in your hands. Trust me, it is that kind of prison where we know we have all the supremacy to release ourselves, but we don’t want liberation. Under such a situation no one can help you but “YOU”
I want to tell you this is more mental than physical. You hadn’t held someone or something or some situation or your past, but you have so absorbed yourself in it, that you don’t know you are not living in the present. You are still in love with your bad years. Can you think of this grave mess that you are not only unconsciously creating but every day adding to the previous one? Think about it, because the choice is yours. The key to this lock is always there in your pocket.
5)Self Limiting Beliefs:
This is also a kind of disease that we are suffering from our childhood and the irony is we don’t know we are sick.
Though certain diseases can be cured like pneumonia, influenza, diarrhoea, etc. But once we suffer from Self Limiting Beliefs it is toughest to cure. Please don’t take my words literally but, it is harming you adversely. It is the biggest crime we can do against ourselves. It is holding you back from goals or your much-awaited dream life. Some of the symptoms of this disease in your language itself like :
I don’t have time…
I can’t do it because….
I am not good enough …
I will be judged….
I have failed…
I am not as good as him/her….
And Blah! Blah! Blah!
Though there are innumerous points, these were mine. If you have any please drop in the comment box because you need to find out the root cause of your misery so that you can cure it. The happy thing for me is, nowadays I have always been pointed out for being an “Over Positive Creature”. But friends, it was not easy for me. Over a period of time, I have developed this mindset. I had lived a lot through negativity which had added a lot of misery to my life.
Very often we spill from our mouth “Yeh Bhi koi Zindagi hai? Is this called a life?” But friends for this I have only one answer “Whatever it is … it is your life !!”.
Embrace it !!! Know the root cause and discard it forever.